Monday, June 29, 2009

A Work In Progress: Part 1

Forward into the unknowing minds, he felt himself slip so easily. No wonder no one knew a thing about him, since he did not know it himself. As haunting as an empty cave, his sense of self lacked substance and definition. Only through following what he saw in others could he suitably play his part in life. Slipping forward, as he thought of it, to lose his emptiness and fill himself with thoughts and feelings and personality--that was all that made living worthwhile. It was the only time that he felt, knew, that he was a complete person. It was as if he had discovered himself every time he slipped into another mind. Every time, it felt right, like home. But it never was, and he always had to pull back to realize he was still no one. His wavering reflection did not help as he tried to fill the space he was expected to inhabit. Maybe he was the only one who saw it waver in the glass, or maybe other people didn't bother to notice.
Standing in the afternoon sun, he avoided his reflection and became a part of humanity. Only a moment longer before she turned around and noticed him standing there, twisting and untwisting a candy wrapper, sucking somewhat noisily on a Werther's caramel. He liked being her; he liked how she thought and the funny way she looked at the world. She turned and glanced his way. He quickly averted his eyes and hurried away. He knew what she had seen. He didn't want to see himself through her eyes. Turning a corner, he breathed a sigh of relief. He wished he could remain with her, as her.
As always, though, he had to keep moving. Staying in one place for a long time just made him feel--uncomfortable, almost like he didn't properly fit in his own skin anymore. No matter how much he adjusted his clothes, his position, it felt like his own body was just too confining. So he moved on, went somewhere new, and either the moving or the being in a new place made everything feel like it should again.
The next morning, he found a cozy little coffee shop and settled in. Coffee shops were always in his morning routine. He drank coffee, not because he had any particular desire or need for it, but because that is what people do in the morning. No sooner had he begun doing this than people started being, in an off-hand manner, more friendly. They could understand a man in a coffee shop, drinking a cup of coffee. He fell into some wonderful minds in those coffee shops.

Friday, June 12, 2009


Abandoning the thoughts within
so the feelings will not show.
Time to take a stand, defend
the things I wish to know.

Forever in the muddied darkness,
I hear it calling true
beyond the doors the world would keep
to find my soul anew.

No more of taunting, deadened eyes
and watchful, bony grins;
no more of hearing myself lie
to know no more within.